so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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