she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
