They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
