my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
