Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
