Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry jennd1986 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(209): View more from California

I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.

(859): View more from Kentucky

Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.

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(240): View more from Maryland

i think i left a case of beer in your dryer

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(917): View more from New York City

Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.

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(571): View more from Virginia

Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.

(571): View more from Virginia

just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom

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(970): View more from Colorado

Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.

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(516): View more from New York

Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.

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