My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
