i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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