at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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