i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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