just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
