you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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