Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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