I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
