Yo dont text me then not text me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
