Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
