what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
