She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
