Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
