Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
