One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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