Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
