Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
