So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Houston, we have a squirter
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
