You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
