bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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