note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
