Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
