At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
