isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The ass gains better be worth it
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