So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
