Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
