i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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