my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
