i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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