Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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