glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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