i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
