last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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