with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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