It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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