Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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