get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
