No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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