Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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