scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize