Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
whose ass print is on the piano?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
