She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
