I need help removing her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
