She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
