Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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