what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
