Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
