Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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