rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
