oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my being single is dangerous.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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