i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
