Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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