Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
