drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
