guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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