9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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