were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
