bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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