I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
