I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
