At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
