I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize