I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
