Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
