Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
