The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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