Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
